my first conference

i am in philadelphia for a conference at drexel university. staying at club quaters in downtown philly. reached here early this morning and got breakfast with a bunch of australian phd students attending a conference on cancer research that i met in the elevator of the hotel. fun times!

now getting ready to go to the opening ceremonies.

because i have to

i want to use my research to help. these past few days i've been thinking about the suicides that have been reported in the media. you can read about them here.

my area of research is retailing and consumer behavior but it also includes dress and fashion. i want to do research on the perception of sexual orientation based on dress and how it may lead to bullying. or something around that area. i can't keep quiet and do nothing.

i HAVE to act. because i can at least do this.

from jk rowling to my professor

as someone who writes fiction as well as non-fiction i know one thing. concepts, values, beliefs become clearer when you write. the tag line of my private blog is "i read to lose myself. i write to find myself."

i was watching oprah interviewing j.k. rowling and she said something similar. that writing helps you solidify what you feel deep within your heart.

i think the same is true for teaching. i know my concepts better because i've taught them. because i've answered questions about them. given examples. it helps you realize what you know.

there is a sense to the madness. a reason why we cover certain things, emphasize certain things, etc. all of it is to help student learn the subject matter as well as grow as an individual (by doing things like working in group projects or making presentations).

now that i am a student, i wonder what my professor has in mind when she assigns our readings. sometimes the order make no sense to me. sometimes i am surprised at the choices of articles or book chapters. and i'm sure somewhere there is a strategy - that each reading (and the order it is in) is important and will teach us something of value. i just wish i could ask her what and why.

enjoy / die

how does time go by so quickly? in a week it will be fall break. the mid-semester point. and we'll have finished 7 weeks next week. wow! time flies quickly.

which means it will soon be time for term papers. and exams. yaay! not fun. but essential parts of grad school.

i honestly can't complain too much. i really love grad school. i am enjoying every single minute of it.

busy

i feel quite committed to writing this blog. but everyday i come home so tired, so bone dead tired that aside from doing laundry or dishes - it's hard to do anything else. i know some of this stress comes from the two classes i'm teaching and the ton of volunteer work i do. but still.

about 5 weeks into the semester - each day is getting busier. i've got exams and presentations and papers all lined up one after another. i need to start working on term papers, even if they are not due till the end of the semester so i'm not going crazy in the end.

when do i do my term papers?

another great week at grad school. i love the program so far. but now panic is creeping in. we have 11 weeks left and i have many term papers to do and i need to start working on them. i just don't know when.

sunday

one of the books that i want to own someday is called bird by bird by anne lamott. the title bird by bird comes from her younger brother realizing the day before school starts (i'm writing this from memory - so i'm mistaken somewhere - please feel free to correct me) that he forgot to do this big summer project about birds. and his father puts his arm around her brother's shoulder and says, “Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.”

i was panicking this morning. and i'm still panicking a bit about the immense amount of work i have this week. and i've completed the two discussion questions for crs 620 and finished 2 of the 3 pages for crs 713. i am feeling a bit better. still panicking a bit. but i know i can do this. bird by bird.

why it makes sense

i love qualitative research. but i also want to teach at a business school. you see the dilemma?

so i asked a very dear friend of mine (who is a professor at UNCG) if doing qualitative research would affect my employability at business school.

she replied: I think you should follow your passions rather than worry about what you should be doing. If you take classes so you will be hired to teach that you don't want to take, then you might end up stuck teaching subjects that you don't really care about. Teaching what you are passionate about would likely be much better. Don't you think?

such simple advice. but so true.

dissertation

i had my first meeting with my dissertation chair yesterday. i am so excited. i really got along with my last advisor (from my masters at university of arizona) and we're still in touch. i love her. we didn't share many of the same research interests - but she had my best interests in my mind and that mattered a lot to me. this time, i think hopefully we'll have the same research interests and she'll have my best interests in mind too.

i am excited. i have had some ideas about what kind of research i wanted to do ever since i saw dr. mimi nichter's exhibit and book called fat talk at the center for creative photography at the university of arizona. it was one of those things that stays with you forever and ever.

and so begins the journey

wasted weekend

i thought i would accomplish so much over this labor day weekend. and i did try. but accomplished little. as my facebook status said today: i spent $4.35 on a fruit smoothie which probably contained about 500 calories and read ONE paper. that's it. one article. it sucks. thankfully, i got some more reading done later today. but nowhere close to how productive i thought i would be.

in good news though, i did go kayaking! it was fantastic. and i did see the movie - kick ass. well, not such a wasted weekend, was it?

vocal

of course the grades haven't come in. but i think the classes are going well. sometimes i wonder if i talk too much. but i am excited and happy and full of ideas. and i am looking forward to some fierce intellectual debates and discussions. ideas and thoughts from various perspectives intersecting and possibly creating a new realm. a paradigm shift.

here i come

i am procrastinating. i have to write a reaction paper and i am not sure how to begin. i like this professor and i don't want her to be disappointed in me. but honestly, i have no idea what she's looking for. i mean, i do. in the sense of what is written in the syllabus. but still.

the document has been created. the cursor is waiting for my fingers to begin typing. my references are cited. the margins and font is set. and i'm here. writing on this blog instead of writing the actual paper. what if i've forgotten how to write? it's like riding a bicycle, right? oh well. enough of this. it's time to face the demons.

perspectives

we have 5 students who have joined the phd program this year. one is from south korea, one is from thailand, and 3 are from america. we have one guy and 4 girls in the program. one is married, one is engaged (to be married next summer) and 3 single folks in the group. there is not much deviation in the age group (i think). but i haven't asked. i think it would be interesting to record the journey and the progress of each of these individuals and their perspectives on grad school and life in north carolina.

i like my professor

there are some professors who love teaching. and some who love research and the teaching part is just a part of the job. you can always make out the difference between the two when you enter the classroom. the professors who enjoy teaching - their enthusiasm, their love for the subject or research - it's just all there.

i have a professor that i respect and who seems to be a great teacher. i am excited.

in a few minutes

it's here. the class is almost full. we're all waiting for the professor. it's a mix group. asians, caucasians, men, women, white, black, brown and all. why am i still so nervous? i am thinking of taking statistics this semester instead of this class. we'll see. i'm thinking about it.

in the meanwhile. i am here. nervous.

OMG

oh my god. oh my god. i have been looking forward to this. then why am i panicking? i am excited but scared. shit. i guess it's just all full throttle from here.

first day of classes start tomorrow.

making friends

i think it's easier to make friends in grad school. you're a bit more mature. you're in the same hell together. you are all living in debt or underpaid or starving. there is lots of beer. and lots of discussions over research that you really can't talk to anyone else around you. your family doesn't want to listen to it. in fact they are glad you have friends who will listen or whom you can talk to so you don't bore them anymore.

more orientations

yesterday we had the graduate student orientation. and my department orientation was today. it was nice meeting new colleagues and peers and feeling people out. i hope i am not too much of a pain in the ass. i ask a lot of questions. always have.

i am excited about classes!

it's starting

I went for the teaching assistant orientation yesterday. a day long bore-fest. so starts graduate school. honestly, i'm really excited. not about statistics though. but still, really excited. i have decided to tackle stats next semester.

i met one of my new colleagues yesterday - she is starting her phd too and like me has taught retail and fashion merchandising for a few years at a university.

i am excited.